Making Self-Love A Priority After Trauma

Following a dangerous or agonizing experience that has the potential to directly or indirectly threaten one’s safety, life, or loved ones, a psychological scar can be left behind. This is trauma, an entirely normal psychological and physical response to danger, fear, pain, and grief. 

However, if trauma is not processed, it can become a severe mental and emotional burden. In fact, people who have experienced trauma after accidents, abuse, unexpected personal losses, combat, and other events may be unable to move on from the experience. They may knowingly or unknowingly avoid reminders of what happened, withdraw from friends or loved ones, lash out, self-medicate, or blame themselves and become self-destructive. 

By working with a trained therapist or other mental health professional, you or your loved one who is struggling with trauma can work to recover in healthy, uplifting ways. And an important part of this process involves learning how to embrace self-love in recovery. 

Trauma, Self-Image, And Mental Health

Life can be bumpy. But, most of the time, when we encounter stress in our daily lives, we are able to cope and move on without issue. However, there are times when the situation we face, whether once or repeatedly, is more than we can emotionally and mentally cope with.

These overwhelmingly stressful experiences have the potential to produce some form of trauma, which may include:

• acute trauma, intense but short-term mental and emotional distress, shock, or denial that develops after a specific event like a car crash, sexual assault, or medical emergency
• chronic trauma, an ingrained form of trauma that changes how a person perceives and responds to stress, and which develops after prolonged or repeated episodes like bullying, neglect, or abuse
• complex trauma, trauma that develops after a person experiences multiple serious traumatic events in a situation that he or she cannot escape (e.g. warfare or childhood/domestic abuse), often contributing to the development of PTSD or borderline personality disorder
• secondary trauma, which develops after someone witnesses a terrifying event or events that involve others, as is common among police, firefighters, EMTs, and emergency room physicians

Each of these different types of trauma has the potential to change how a person thinks, feels, and behaves, especially in current situations that are stressful or similar in some way to the event that caused the trauma. But even in safe, normal situations, people who are dealing with unresolved trauma may still be ever-watchful for any source of risk or danger, their sympathetic nervous system continuously stimulating the body’s fight-flight-freeze response through adrenaline, noradrenaline, and the stress hormone cortisol. 

Along with this exhausting state of readiness, those who have experienced trauma may also face emotional disturbances like anxiety or panic, anger, sadness, guilt, and an inability to feel pleasure, as well as dissociation, sleep disturbances, relationship problems, changes in self-image, and diminished self-worth. They may lash out at loved ones, shut down, retreat, self-medicate, self-harm, or react in any number of other problematic ways that may signal that professional intervention is needed. 

What Self-Love Really Means

Self-love isn’t about being proud, conceited, or self-concerned. It is simply a state of appreciating yourself and having proper concern for your own needs. It means seeing and celebrating the best parts of who you are, giving yourself what you need to be happy, and to be a version of you that makes healthy choices and finds meaning and peace in your life. 

Ways To Prioritize Self-Love

For many of us, practicing authentic self-love is a challenge. And this is especially true for those who are grappling with trauma and its echoes. But self-love can be cultivated and nurtured in a variety of ways, either on your own or with the help of peers or mental health professionals.

Some of the best ideas you can use to promote self-love in recovery after trauma include the following.

Self-Acceptance

As with self-love, self-acceptance is a major topic in mental health sessions and can be challenging to work towards. It means looking at yourself as a whole and understanding and accepting who you really are, for both good and bad.

This includes recognizing your flaws, regrets, and failings, as well as the many talents you have and your potential to grow, to change, and to touch the lives of others. It means learning to stop comparing yourself to others and instead seeing yourself realistically, imperfect but with precious potential and value.

Forgiveness

Everyone has regrets, but for people who have experienced trauma, feelings of regret and shame may be overwhelming, leading to denial or avoidance.

To process these feelings, it is important that you first acknowledge and accept them as they occur, then process them, put them in the past, and allow yourself to move on. You may need to learn to be gentle with yourself, to allow yourself to take up the time and resources you need to heal, and to replace negative reactive self-talk and self-criticism with positivity and self-compassion. 

Self-Care

During times of distress, people often stop eating and drinking and don’t allow themselves adequate time for sleep, to be with friends or loved ones, or to exercise or be in nature. Or a person may try to cope by overeating, pursuing unhealthy relationships, or escaping through technology, drugs, or alcohol. 

In order to heal from trauma, it is important that you give yourself the resources you need to be healthy and to move, think, and feel your best. This includes nurturing your unique passions or hobbies and feeding your other emotional, social, and spiritual needs. 

Creating Healthy Boundaries

Recovery after trauma may look different for everyone. And your progress can be threatened in a variety of different ways, including by others in your life and situations that you aren’t ready to deal with that may be forced upon you. 

By establishing healthy boundaries in relationships and sticking to them, you can create the physical, emotional, and mental security you need to heal. And, as far as self-love is concerned, you may also help prove to yourself that you are truly worthy of both respect and consideration from the others in your life. 

Daily Gratitude

Trauma can produce a sort of tunnel vision in which one becomes focused entirely on the immediate act of surviving, or on the trauma itself. Gratitude is one very effective and meaningful way of breaking out of this trap, and it involves nothing more than spending quiet time every day writing down the things that you are grateful for. 

The list may include family, friends, hot coffee, a warm bed, flowers, rain, music, a good book, a great burger, your health, the opportunity to make art, and so much more. It may be a small list at first and grow over time.

By focusing on these things and intentionally considering them and how they make you feel, you can train your mind and your spirit to open and to really see and feel the good things in the world and in your own life as the blessings they are. 

Mindfulness 

Mindfulness is a meditation-like practice in which a person brings awareness to the present moment, focusing on what one is feeling and experiencing, and accepting those thoughts and feelings without self-judgment. 

Trauma-informed mindfulness modifies this approach and focuses on helping people who have experienced trauma to gently reconnect with their bodily sensations and improve self-regulation while minimizing feelings of distress or disassociation. This gradual practice can help improve both physical reactivity and arousal, while also providing opportunities for accepting and processing negative emotions and pain. 

Setting Realistic Goals

Having goals in life is a good thing. But, too often, we set expectations for ourselves that are far out of line with reality, especially when facing emotional distress. This tendency to overreach can cause some people to exhaust themselves by trying and trying and still falling short. Others may simply give up on themselves and the prospect of taking any steps forward at all. 

By embracing the mantra “progress not perfection,” those in recovery from trauma may create opportunities to be gentle with themselves and to take small, realistic, achievable steps forward. These steps may include meeting a deadline at work, trying a new food, exercising for 20 minutes every day for a week, reading a book, or reaching out to an old friend. 

Celebrating Success

LIfe is not a race. Rather than comparing yourself to others, it is important that you find opportunities to celebrate yourself and recognize the progress you have made. By stopping and paying attention to how far you have already come, you can motivate and empower yourself to keep moving forward tomorrow. 

Building Positive Relationships

Attitudes are infectious. Intentionally building friendships and spending time with others who value you and a positive, healthy lifestyle can help you be healthier and more positive as well. 

Giving Back 

Trauma tends to turn your mental focus inward, narrowing your view of the world and of yourself as well. Acts of service, on the other hand, are a rewarding way of widening that focus and generating positive feelings and confidence. By meeting the needs of others and sparking joy, many people find that they are also deeply fulfilled and touched in turn. 

Depending on your situation, you may be able to volunteer at a local nonprofit, a place of worship, an animal shelter, or in many other ways. 

When To Seek Help

Most people experience trauma at some point in their lives. In fact, an estimated 70% of people experience potentially traumatic events during their lifetimes, according to the World Health Organization (WHO). 

While not everyone who experiences a terrifying event will develop trauma, there are many situations in which it is important to reach out and get help after such an experience, or to encourage someone in your life to get help. 

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), important warning signs that someone may be experiencing mental distress in response to a traumatic event, including recent experiences and those that occurred further in the past, include:

• over- or under-eating and sleeping
• anger and lashing out
• overwhelming sadness
• withdrawing inward
• not connecting with others
• persistent fatigue
• staying continuously busy 
• unexplained aches and pains
• feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, guilt, or worry
• excessive substance use
• thoughts of suicide, self-harm, or harming others
• difficulty readjusting to normal daily routines

If you have reason to believe that you or someone you love is experiencing a mental health crisis and may not be safe, you should call either 911 or 988, the suicide and crisis hotline, for emergency help and support. Otherwise, you can reach out to your doctor, therapist, spiritual leader, or school counselor for mental health resources, or contact Ark Behavioral Health directly to learn more about our trauma-informed mental health treatment programs.  

Trauma Vs. PTSD

Trauma can be a natural, normal part of the healing process following a terrifying experience. However, when trauma is severe, does not resolve over time, and results in unhealthy or harmful behaviors, treatment may be required. This is especially true when people develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a serious mental health condition linked with severe trauma, resulting in long-term symptoms that may include:

• intrusive thoughts, such as involuntary memories, vivid flashbacks, and trauma nightmares
• avoidance of people, places, activities, or discussions that may trigger distressing memories or thoughts related to a traumatic experience
• changes in thinking and mood, including memory problems, negative thoughts and feelings, distorted views about oneself or others, and emotional disturbances or lack of emotion
• changes in arousal and reactivity, often including irritability, anger, paranoia, watchfulness, reckless or self-destructive behavior, and problems with concentration and sleep

Most people develop symptoms of PTSD within three months of the original trauma, but symptoms may sometimes appear later. These changes may continue for months and sometimes years at a time without treatment, often occurring alongside other physical and mental health conditions like depression, substance use disorders, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts or activity, high blood pressure, and more. 

Around 6% of Americans experience PTSD during their lifetimes, according to the National Center for PTSD, with women being around twice as likely as men to experience PTSD and groups like combat veterans and police officers and other first responders also experiencing PTSD at higher rates than the general public. 

Treating Trauma

Recovering from trauma and rediscovering self-love can take time and, sometimes, be a difficult or even dangerous process. This is especially true when it comes to children, those who have developed PTSD, those who also have co-occurring substance use disorders or mental health disorders, and those who have experienced highly traumatic or disturbing situations. 

Depending on the situation, trauma-informed mental health care for these people and others can be provided in:

• outpatient therapy sessions for less-severe cases
• residential mental health programs for more intense cases or step-down treatment
• inpatient stabilization programs for complex cases and for people experiencing an acute mental health crisis

A wide variety of self-help and peer support resources are also available, including both in-person and digital support options. 

Promoting Self-Love In Recovery With Ark Behavioral Health

Ark Behavioral Health offers trauma-informed, short-term residential mental health care at two licensed facilities: Bedrock Recovery Center in Canton, MA, and Ohio Recovery Center in Van Wert, OH. 

At both locations, you will find comfortable, welcoming settings staffed by mental health experts who understand the effects of trauma and the importance that compassion, structure, and patience can play in your recovery. Our treatment programs are fully personalized for each and every person we serve, and may include services such as:

• short-term stabilization (or CCS, community crisis stabilization)
• medication management
• individual and group psychotherapy
• peer support
• case management
• social and wellness activities

To learn more about finding self-love after trauma through mental health treatment at Ark Behavioral Health, please contact us today.