10 Dating Tips For People In Recovery

When it comes to causes of happiness, nothing beats having our health and enjoying our relationships with loved ones. Research points to these two factors time and time again as being essential for our happiness.

People in recovery from drug or alcohol addiction are on the path to getting their health back. Many are also looking to build new relationships and get back into dating.

If you are in addiction recovery, this article can help you determine if it’s the right time to start dating. It also includes tips for making the most of your dating experiences when the time is right, how to keep your partner involved in your recovery, and how to determine if you’re in a codependent relationship.

Deciding When It’s the Right Time to Date

It’s sometimes recommended to wait a year before dating while in recovery, but this is just an estimate based on how long it can take to build a stable life after living with an addiction.

The amount of time you wait is less important than your progress and stability. If you’ve been sober for nine months but have a stable life and support system, you may be more ready to date than someone who has been sober for two years but is less stable.

Romantic relationships can jeopardize your sobriety, which is why it’s so important in recovery to focus on: 

• forming platonic relationships
• creating healthy habits
• working on your mental health
• building a support system

10 Dating Tips For People In Recovery

If you are ready to date, the following tips can help you put your best foot forward and maintain your recovery.

1. Choose Your Dates Carefully

It’s important to choose who you want to date very carefully. Finding someone who likes you, or someone you like, doesn’t necessarily mean they’re right for you. You want to make sure the person is balanced, sober, and willing to be drug- or alcohol-free around you. 

Perhaps most importantly, look for someone who supports your recovery.

2. Go Slowly

Once you’re dating someone, don’t feel pressured to get into a serious relationship right away.

As you begin dating, you may feel good and your brain might tell you to seek out more of that feeling. But be aware that your brain is primed to look for those dopamine hits just like it did with drugs or alcohol. 

Taking your relationship slowly can ensure you know the person’s values, interests, and how they treat others before making a bigger commitment. 

3. Have Fun

Depending on where you are on your recovery journey, you might still be discovering how to have fun without alcohol or drugs.

Think back to activities you enjoyed in your youth and see if you can incorporate them into your dates.

If you like animals, maybe you and your partner would enjoy a trip to the zoo. If you like being outdoors, maybe a visit to a state or national park would be fun.

If your partner is into different types of activities than you are, you can still have fun exploring what they like while getting to know them better.

4. Keep Hanging Out With Friends & Family

Don’t let a new relationship keep you away from your friends and family. They’ll be there whether this relationship lasts or not. Try not to lose yourself in your relationship so much that you abandon your support system.

Friends can also give you a more objective view of your new relationship and whether it looks like a healthy one or not.

5. Work On Personal Goals

While dating, people can become overly focused on finding the right partner. To help maintain balance in your life, keep working on your other personal goals too. Continue getting your degree, working on your fitness goals, or learning that new hobby. 

Don’t let those things fall by the wayside just because you’re dating someone new. 

6. Make Time To Be Alone

Schedule time to be by yourself. Whether you meditate, read a book, or go on a walk, having time by yourself and being comfortable with your own company is important. 

Just as some people are more natural in social situations, some people are more natural while alone. Others might need to practice spending time alone so that they don’t require other people around them to feel OK.

7. Be Prepared

While it’s not something anyone wants to think about, you need to be prepared for the relationship to end. It may never happen, but having a breakup plan can be vital to maintaining your recovery. You don’t want to risk a relapse because the relationship ends.

If you’re the one breaking up with someone, be upfront with how you feel. Don’t string them along or create more stress for yourself.

If you’re the one being broken up with, have a plan ready to deal with any difficult feelings that come up. Your break-up plan might include:

• seeing your addiction counselor
• scheduling a therapy session 
• checking in with your support system 
• going to more support group meetings

8. Be Upfront About Your Recovery Process

Tell the person you’re dating that you’re going through recovery. It doesn’t have to be the first thing out of your mouth, but it should be discussed early on. They might have questions and you can share as much as you feel comfortable with.

Keeping it to yourself will likely only make you more stressed. It’s better to get it out in the open. It also puts the ball in their court. If they don’t want to be with someone in recovery, that’s their choice. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t support your recovery journey.

9. Put Yourself First

At first, putting yourself first may feel selfish. But when it comes to your recovery, you need to put yourself over anyone else. This is why some experts suggest not dating for a year. You need to put yourself first and that can be difficult when someone else is there. 

Once you start dating, you should still be putting your recovery and your health over anything else. A chance at love isn’t worth a relapse. Your new potential partner should understand that.

10. Don’t Count Out Someone Else In Recovery

In some cases, two people in recovery dating each other won’t be a good idea. In other cases, it might help strengthen each of your recovery journeys.

It’s important to consider the potential benefits, as well as the potential drawbacks, of dating another person in recovery from drug or alcohol addiction.

Drawbacks to dating someone in recovery include:

• If one of you hasn’t created stability in your life yet, it could add to the other person’s stress.
• If one of you relapses, it could cause the other to do so too. 
• Those in recovery, especially early recovery, can rely too much on each other to stay sober, leading to codependency issues.

Some benefits of dating another person in recovery include:

• Your shared mutual experiences can be a source of comfort and trust.
• When one person finds something that works for them on their recovery path, it might work for the other.
• You can encourage each other to stay on the path to recovery and provide support.

How To Keep Your Partner Involved In Your Recovery Process

Being upfront about your recovery journey while dating will make it easier to talk about any recovery-related challenges you’re facing once your relationship becomes more solidified.

This type of emotional sharing involves vulnerability, which is something many people in addiction recovery know all about. Recent research into vulnerability shows that we love seeing it in other people, but we tend to judge ourselves harshly when we put ourselves out there. 

However, vulnerability is required if we want to have authentic, strong relationships. Those are the kind of relationships you can count on when the going gets tough.

Some things you can practice to remain open and honest in your relationship include:

• sharing your feelings
• sharing your hopes and fears
• admitting your mistakes
• asking for help
• expressing gratitude

Signs Of Codependency In Your First Relationship Post-Recovery

Relationships play a key role in our life, especially our relationships with our significant others. 

Learning how to identify, build, and maintain healthy relationships is often a part of treatment for any mental health condition, including addiction recovery.

Codependent relationships usually involve an unhealthy balance of power. Working on developing good self-esteem can help you avoid codependency.

Codependency in your relationship can look like:

• being overly afraid of being alone
• not trusting your own ability to make decisions
• having an exaggerated sense of responsibility for others
• having low self-esteem
• needing to be depended on
• experiencing physical and emotional burnout
• feeling resentful

If you sense that your relationship might involve codependent aspects, talk to your therapist, who can help you build confidence and trust in yourself.